life changing

One of the first things you have to do after surgery is eat.  Eat and you can go home.  Every time Nolan would try to eat after this surgery he would vomit.  This was the beginning of Nolan's eating problems.  I thought this was temporary, it would go away.  7 days later Nolan still couldn't keep anything down.  Nolan can't loose weight, because then we would have to start worrying about toxicity.  The more weight you have on your body, the better you handle chemo.  We were all still in hopes it would get better, so the doctor suggested an NJ tube.  This tube would go through his nose, bypass his stomach and go into his intestines.  This was one of the most challenging things we would have to go through.  Me and 5 other staff members literally held him down while a radiologist shoved a tube down his nose.  Nolan was screaming!  The doctor had to make sure this tube was placed in his intestines, so while she was running it down his stomach she watched on the x-ray machine for proper placement.  I was in tears, Nolan was in tears!  I just wanted to make everything ok for him like most mom's but it was out of my hands now.  I was no longer in control.  I knew God was trying to teach me who is in control and this was the biggest test.  He cried himself to sleep that night and I couldn't help but feel I broke his fighting spirit.  Nolan would show us who was boss.  He got use to the backpack he would have to wear that contained his feeding pump and special formula.  We got to know radiology very well at Scottish Rite.  Nolan would vomit the tube up one to two times a week.  With this particular tube, it had to be inserted by a radiologist.  So, to Atlanta we would go every week to have the tube replaced.  Nolan would vomit with such force it came out his mouth once.  To this day Nolan is still about 90% tube fed.  Still has serious vomiting issues and is on several medication to control his urge to throw up.